Saturday, March 7, 2020

It's Okay to Miss Your Hair

Sweater - H&M | T-shirt - Target | Jeans - Levi's Ribcage Georgie

In the middle of the story Little Women, protagonist Jo March sits at the top of the staircase one night crying.  This moment is a bit surprising for the viewer, as thus far Jo had mostly shown strength, boldness, and ambitiousness.  As her sister asks what brought on this moment of vulnerability, Jo tearfully exclaims, "my hair!"  Though selling her hair was a selfless act to help her family, even she couldn't escape the emotional ties that one's hair can mean to a person.  Hair can be one of the most personal things to a person.  It can reflect a person's personality whilst also being a security blanket that someone always carries with them.

Growing up, I never really understood this attachment to one's hair.  Watching contestant after contestant on America's Next Top Model cry over haircuts and colors, I looked at with confusion.  My thought's were always hair is hair, and worst case it will grow back (and frankly, if I were on ANTM, hair would be the least of my worries).  That's what would always get me through my eventual bad haircuts.  On the other hand, I spent years despising my hair.  It was always too thick or too short or too... brown.  Other women would always tell me how lucky I was to have the hair I have, but to me, all I could see was yet another hairstyle that wouldn't work with my hair type.

I started bleaching my hair near the end of my senior year of high school, and for the first time I was truly happy with my hair.  I was head over heels in love with the look, and maintained the style for four years gradually going grayer and grayer.  But platinum hair is expensive to upkeep, and the obvious appearance of roots means it's a frequent expense.  So once I graduated from university, I decided to dye my hair a more manageable color.  I had had the same hair for a few years, so I felt ready for a change.  In high school, I was dying my hair every year.  Bleaching can also be quite hard on one's hair, and though my hair was still healthy, I thought it would just be a good time to switch things up.  So many other things in my life were changing too (moving, new job, new relationship - and subsequent end of said relationship,), why not change my hair?

I had found the perfect haircut: a light brown bob with curtain bangs.  It was a look that was both Instagram friendly and close to my natural color.  But best of all, it was something that Dakota Johnson - my celebrity style crush - had once sported.  I found the best place in town to do it, and honestly it turned out great.  I spent the first few days after my hair change not recognizing myself in the mirror, but telling everyone - including myself - how much I loved it.
Do I love it though?  There's nothing wrong with it, and it's a cute cut and color, but I just can't connect to it.  I felt that my platinum hair was such a part of me and suited me so well, that I still miss it.  I spent so long telling myself that I was just being over dramatic because hair is just hair, but with so many other changes in my life, I think this was just one too many.

One final thought:
Bangs fucking suck.  What was I thinking?

I don't know if I'll go back to my icy shades of blonde hair soon, but I know one day I'll find my way back to it.

Elizabeth xx


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